Times Are Changing

So, it's been awhile since I've written and I think that it's for the better. Alot has changed since I last wrote a REAL entry. I mean, it's been almost exactly 1 year and it's amazing how much has changed in that time period.

As a person, I've changed. I'm not the person I was a year ago, and I'm GLAD. I don't LIKE the person I was a year ago. I was depressed, and as such looking back on all the entries from that time frame, I was quite a bit, if not exceptionally emo. I don't like that. I'm glad to say I feel like I'm doing alot better.

I've cut out alot of negative people, and influences from my life. I'm trying to make sure I worry about myself and not just others. I'm TRYING to work on my confidence, though it's not working as well as I planned, but I do think things are alot better than they were. I feel much happier and more content. I feel like I know where I'm going and where I want to be.

I have also learned who truly is my friend rather recently, whether their nearby or far away. I only have 3 people I can truly call close friends who live in the same state and even vaguely nearby at this point. THREE. I'm glad though, I'm happy to say that these friends are the ones who have proven true and trustworthy. The ones who make me happy, and not miserable. The ones who don't pull me down, but try to build me up. They KNOW who they are and as such I don't feel the need to mention their names.

One of them i've known since 7th grade, and while we've had out ups and downs, we're still close and I know I can count on her. Another, I've known through all of high school. We were inseparable, and while we lost touch for awhile because of one little argument due to one of the people I eliminated from my life, we're back to normal now. The third is a newer friend, but one I feel like i've known my whole life. She is like a little sister to me, and I tend to be very protective of her, and I know she's the same way with me. She had helped me through alot.

Besides those three, there's another 2, who live out of state and who I talk to everyday and can't live without. One of them is my girlfriend and soulmate who has been around and stuck with me even when I was depressed and emo, without what I would call a true and genuine reason. She has always been there, and I can only hope I'm equally there for her. I love her, and I cannot wait for the day when we're in the same state. I have a feeling we'll be inseparable from then on.

Then there is a girl who has come to be more of a little sister than anything to me. I'm closer to her than many many people I know in real life, and just as close to her, if not closer than I am to my own brother. I talk to her about almost everything and am in constant contact with her. It's weird when we DON'T talk because we're almost always talking. I lvoe her, and I can't imagine not talking to her or having our movie nights, or anything. I can't wait til she's in the same place as me, much like my girlfriend.

So, clearly, alot has changed. I went from many close friends and trusted friends to a handful. Yet, I'm GLAD. I'd rather have my 5 close friends, and know that I can trust them fully and utterly, know that their true and would never hurt me, than have a million friends and not know who can be trusted. I'm sick and tired of letting people walk all over me, and I'm glad that I've weeded out the bad. I think as long as I have the 5 mentioned that I'll be happy. Sure there'll be other friends I hang out with and see, but I refuse to let them in like these 5.

It's just amazing to me how much can change in a year. I mean, really I feel like I'm such a different person. I'm finally happy with where my life seems to be heading. Sure, there's still things that scare me, there's still things that shake me up, but hey that's LIFE. Life isn't easy and never will be. Yet, gaining a positive attitude helps. I feel like I'm finally on track.

Now, as for this month. It offers alot of promise. It's mid-semester and I feel like I'm doing so much better than this time last year. I failed a class last year, and I had NEVER failed anything before in my life. Yet, here I am and I don't have to worry about that now. This semester i'm getting all B's in my least favorite classes. As for my favorite class, British Literature,every single paper I'm getting back has an A on it and says that it's exceptionally written. That boosts my confidence especially since that prof. is a doctor of English. This month offers alot of work in the form of research paper, midterms and other papers, but it offers promise. Not to mention I've decided to do nanowrimo and am starting a new story. I hope to finish this one.

Anyway, this is turning out to be longer than I hoped. I do, however, have a goal now. To try to keep this blog positive and updated frequently with writing, musings and life in general. Sure, there's bound to be some irritations, annoyances and negative entries but I hope not as many as last year. This to me is a fresh start :D

<3 Marisa