Warning

So, my friend's blog has me thinking way too much now. Thinking can be quite dangerous for me because I tend to overthink. I've always dreamed of having kids. As a little girl I played with dolls and took care of them as I would a child. One of my biggest problems when I came out was that I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to have children. I mean, I know physically I still can. It's just scary.

I mean, this world is horrible enough to deal with as a kid coming from a normal family. I had a horrible time in elementry school. I had maybe 2 friends, from 3rd-7th grade. I used to go home and cry. I had been backstabbed, betrayed, and used. Yet, I came from a perfectly normal family. I can't imagine what it would be like for any kid I would have. Kids can be so cruel, and it seems they tend to fear anything different. I always want to think that the world is getting more open minded, but then things happen that scare me.

I want a child, so bad. It's always been my dream. My question is, would I make a good parent in the world today? The way the world is, would I be a good parent? My other biggest qualm is the fact that in a world so full of hate, how could I possibly bring a child in that had two mothers? Would that be cruel? What would society do? Those are my fears, put into questions.

I also worry about if I'll ever find that person. I had thought I had found her. I could see myself having kids and raising a family with my ex. Yet, look at what happened. My new fear, is that I'll never find the girl of my dreams, my soulmate. Then what? All my dreams, are gone. I could still bring up a child, but would bringing up a child as a single parent, using a donor really be the right thing? Sometimes that's worse than my fear of bringing a child into the world with two mothers.