Helpless

So, first of all i must say why do horrible things happen to such good people? First of all, my coworker, Margaret, who is like another mom to me. I call her my pharmacy mom. She comes back to work tomorrow, after having surgery for a hernia. But, she has to go out for more surgery. Plus she's struggling and almost cried as she spoke to me yesterday because TODAY Oct. 5th is the one year anniversary of her husbands death. I remember when he died, it was sudden. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and within 3 months he was gone. I've been with her since, working by her side when she's had break downs and struggles. It's horrible and I don't understand it because she's such a kind, caring and amazing woman.

Then on top of it all two of my good friends were upset tonite. One because her best friends boyfriend may have killed himself and another for a reason I cannot and will not type here because it's not something I know if she wants widely shared. Whatever the case is, it goes abck to my non-understanding. I just don't get it.

It also bring about this helpless feeling in my gut. I want to help so bad, but I know there's nothing I can do. All I can do is offer support. Whether they take it or not is another question. Yet, still even support isn't what I want. I want to be able to make all the pain and anguish go away. I don't want to see them upset. I don't want to see them cry. I want them to come to me, when they get like that. Yet, I wish there was something I could do to solve the problems, to make everything better. I care so deeply and it pains me not being able to do anything at all. I wish I could take all their pain away and take it on myself sometimes. I would if I knew it would help. Yet, it just seems like I can do nothing, and I hate that. Yes, letting them vent and talking to them is one thing, but I just wish I could do more. So much more. Just listening, well it makes me feel horrible for them and it really does make me want to take it away. Yet, here I am repeating myself over and over because I can't.

*UPDATE*

So i went to bed shortly after I typed this up. I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard all this ruckus outside my house. Then I heard my grandparents screaming from downstairs. I walked out in the living room, mind you its 2:30 in the morning, and my grandpa is leaving the house. Apparently all the noise i heard was an ambulance. My aunt, who lives next door, couldn't breathe and was going to the hospital. My grandpa was going to follow behind so she had someone there with her because she was scared. I was like jeez, today needs to be over because apparently it wasn't a good day for anyone. I don't know how my aunt is yet, but apparently my grandpa just got home now and its 9am. So I'll find out soon hopefully. I'm just like GAH!