Don't Mope...Invent

Okay, so this entry is just going to be a big blurb of a lot of thinking. So far my attempt to let things that I can't change go has gone okay. While it's easy to let go it doesn't make the pain go away or the effects go away. It seems my insomnia has been back in full force. I'm either up until 4-5 am or crashing from pure exhaustion randomly earlier in the night. I guess it can't really be helped, but at least I get a lot done when I can't sleep.

Anyway, I'm not writing to speak of my insomnia. I'm writing to actually blog about things today. Topics I decided to speak of, though I fear this entry may become very disconnected. Oh well, it happens sometimes I guess.

So, first off decisions. Decisions made can change everything. No one realizes it but a decision you make can influence everything around you. It can make or break your future, it can effect every single thing going on in your life, or sometimes it can have no effect at all. The fact is decisions can be however powerful or weak you make them out to be. My decision to change my major, for example, will effect my entire future. I will no longer be en route to becoming a lawyer, I'll be teaching now when I'm done school. It's a change, but I hardly think it'll be a bad one. After all if I hadn't made this decision I would have been en route to a life that I realized was not for me, for dreams that I realized were not my own. Hopes that I realized were for others. My hopes and dreams revolve around writing and helping others, things as an English teacher I can easily achieve. I can continue to write my stories, meanwhile also working to teach kids the love I have and help them in their futures. That to me is a decision I have made right. Yet, in my own decision and decisions of others around me I have realized just how powerful and life altering decisions can be. They can make others happy and they can shatter them. It all depends on the situation and the person.

Let's see. Nanowrimo is close and I already changed my plan. The nephilim story I was writing awhile ago is being reworked and rewritten for nanowrimo. I didn't like one of the characters I created for it, she had no depth, and so with help from a new writing buddy I've decided to rework the whole novel for nanowrimo. It should be fun but also chaotic with the workload I have this semester. I can't wait though. I have so many new writing buddies both online and in person. Plus, Kamali and I plan to try and arrange some write-ins in our area. It'll be chaotic but I'll have quite a few people to push and push me.

Recently my friend Gus has gotten back in touch and we've been talking everyday. I never realized how much I had missed him until he came back. We're right back where we started as always happens and there's going to be no disappearing. Things have been explained and once we caught up we've mutually decided that if one of us seems to disappear on the other an e-mail will be sent or a phone call will be made. We're not going to lose touch again, which makes me happy. I really missed goofing off and just having Gus to keep me somewhat grounded with his bluntness. Plus, I've missed scheming with him. We've already decided it might be fun to do a collaborative story using my character Shane and his Blitz. We've spoken of it before but never actually decided to do it. So maybe we will once our schedules are a bit less hectic. I also convinced him to do nano with me, so he's another writing buddy I've added on this year. I can't wait.

Every good thing must come with bad it seems. When something bad happens there seems to always be good things to follow even if not immediately after. I'm working my ass off in school, I've had actual hang outs with two of my best friends to watch a show i've become obsessed with, I've been doing quite alright despite everything that had happened with my cousin and all the stress and bad that happened more recently. Despite it all I'm not letting myself fall into the hole I would have probably been in a year ago. Positive pioneering as Amy calls it. She's helping me to stick to my let go and move onto more important things theory, and i'm helping her to do the same. It's been working pretty well lately I think. Sure things still bother you, but trying to keep things going and think positively is a great help.

Let's see...what else, what else? Hmm.....Halloween is soon. Kamali and I got matching pirate costumes. I'm excited to wear them. I've haven't worn matching costumes with anyone since junior year when Jessi and I decided to be pink ladies together. I can't wait for the parties and fun of Halloween. The little girl I babysit on Wed. and Friday mornings is so excited to paint our nails, eat candy and watch halloween movies this week. I'm excited too. She makes me happy, as all kids seem to do. Even at the lowest point a simple snuggle or smile from a child seems to always help.

I don't really know what else to say. Since my last entry my life has just been full of school stress, work and Doctor Who. Literally that's it. I've been reading and writing papers out my ass, I've watched all of the 11th doctors episodes of Doctor Who and will be starting on the 10th (yes backwards I know) and I've been working. That's been it really. My life is pretty boring.

I will leave everyone with a quote to think about, I think I may start doing that in every entry. So here's the first one:
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor, Doctor Who (of course)