Here's To The Nights

So I realize i haven't blogged in awhile. This is pretty much going to be a nice blog for the msot part. Though, there are some confusing and angry things too. But for the most part I was on vacation, and had a pretty good vacation. I went to Philadelphia for two days. My cousins that I mentioned earlier, were up from Maryland the entire week and we had alot of things planned with them.

I had alot of fun with my cousins. I'm just so amazed. My aunt has 4 little girls, all pretty much a year apart. Katie is the oldest at 13, Megan is 12, Elise is 10 (almost 11) and Tara is 9. Each time I see them, which i basically twice a year, they get more and more mature. Katie amazed me more than any of them. She has matured alot, even since Thanksgiving. See all four of them, used to get bored so easily, and fight for attention. Now, at the bbq at my Uncle's I sat with Katie almost the entire night and just talked. This was the first time that I ever got to do that with any of them. Most of the time they'd get bored. To be able to do that with Katie was awesome, and it really showed me how much she has grown up. Here is my little cousin, who I used to have to play with in the basement, throwing balls around and other such things, holding an entire conversation for hours with me and my friend Brianna. That to me is awesome.

Then there is Elise. Elise amazed my entire family while we were there. She had stopped talking 2 years ago. No one really knew why. I thought someone had done something because she shyed away from everyone, but especially men. Last Thanksgiving, she was only speaking to her sisters, and parents. They didn't know if she was going to speak to any of her cousins, me included, or aunts and uncles. Well she spoke to me, and clung to me. When my dad or any of my uncles tried to say hi she hid behind me and latched on to me. That's why my family thought that something had happened. She has been going to a psychologist and everything and at first she didn't seem to get any better. Yet, she has and she talked my parents, brother and my ear off the entire vacation. She cried when we were leaving because she didn't want us to leave. That to me is a miracle. I'm so relieved that she is talking and acting like a normal 10 year old again.

On another note, I feel very proud of myself. i haven't looked at Ariel's facebook in over a week. I almost did today, but I stopped myself. I am taking Ricky's advice. He told me that i'll never get over her if I keep looking at her page and trying to see what her life is without me. He says i need to focus on me, and fully let myself live my life for me again and not think about her so much. So that's what I've been trying to do for the past week and so far it's been working well. I've actually been pretty content. I hung out in NY with Ricky all day Saturday and then we went back to his house, had dinner and played some guitar hero. It was just so nice to feel like myself again and realize that I really do need to get myself back on track without thinking of how it would be if we were still together. It feels good doing that. At the same time, I'm actually crying as i write this because i'm finally letting her go and as good as it feels it also makes me kind of sad. She was such a big part of my life, and it's sad to think of that being gone. Yet, at the same time I know it needs to be this way for right now.

Here's my rant of the night. Sami is pissing everyone off lately. All he's been doing is drinking himself into oblivion the past few weeks and its starting tog rate on everyone's nerves. My friend Amy has been depressed lately and she has her reasons. Her mom might have breast cancer, and her parents are going through a nasty divorce. Yet, i'm one of the only people who will actually listen to her. How does this come back to Sami? Well, she has tried to talk to him about this, because she considers him one of her best friends and what does he do...call her a drama queen and start talking about his breakup with Matt and how he's so depressed. As cruel as this sounds, he's been this way for 2 months now, and he won't even listen to anyone else's problems. Whenever they try to talk to him, he acts all woe is me my b/f dumped me and hates me. So it's really grating on everyone of my friends. Especially because all he's been doing is drinking himself into oblivion. I've sort of stopped caring, as horrible as that sounds. It's not like he's listened to me when I've tried tot ell him how unhealthy it is and how drinking his problem away isn't going to help. So I've stopped trying. I've also gotten sick of being the only one making any effort in our friendship, i'm the only one who plans when to hang out and he lives up the damn road. So i've stopped trying and obviosuly he doesn't care. I haven't seen or really heard from him in 2 weeks, which is when i stopped making the effort. What kind of friend is that? Anyway, that's my rant of the night.