My Hopes Are So High

So tonight was interesting. I worked a short day, and went home. I expected to come home and just relax and rp as has become routine for me. Well, that didn't happen. Chas, my ex-boyfriend, who i dated for a year came over randomly. Now, he was my last ditch effort to try and be straight. He was amazing, and he came into my life when I was totally confused as to if i was just bi or maybe a lesbian. So it was hard. I loved him, just not in the way he loved me. It was hard because I didn't know how to tell him. I wasn't out yet, and so when I realized that I didn't like him like that, and finally came to terms with being a lesbian, I had nowhere to turn. So rather than explain things to him, I pushed him away, ignoring his calls and messages. I just didn't talk to him anymore.

Well, back in June,we started talking again online. It was mostly stupid stuff. I felt really awkward about the whole thing. I mean, I felt that I had treated him like garbage and hurt him. Which, to me was a horrible offense. I hate to hurt anyone, and we had been so close. Going out for a year, made our realtionship or more or less friendship irreplacable. Yet, our conversations had been very VERY awkward up to this point.

Well, today i get home from work and who is randomly at my house, but Chas. At first, the meeting was as awkward as our im conversations. But then he started teasing me, like we always used to and I went back at him. The ice was broken a bit. Well ,he ended up staying for dinner. My family loves him, and so dinner was fine. After dinner, my family left out, leaving me alone with Chas. Well, that's when things got a bit intense. We started talking. I blurted out an apology.

I forgot to mention how we got on the subject of our breakup. You see before my mom left, she asked if I wanted to go with them to my cousins wrestling match and I said "No, i'm going to stay and hang out with Chas." Well, that is all she needed to hear. The look she gave us, was one saying "get back together." You see, my mom still hasn't fully accepted me being gay. She tries to say she has, yet she still tries to push guys on me.

Anyway, Chas and I passed a glance when my mom gave us that look. We both knew what she was thinking. After my family left, we started laughing. He and I both thought it was ridiculous. He told me that he didn't care that I was gay. He said he actually knew it while we were going out. He said it didn't take alot to figure it out as I talked and looked at girls. He told me he still loved me, and that if I weren't gay he would date me again, but that he knows I am and he is happy for me and respects me just the same. He said he wants to make sure that things are okay between us. It relieved me to hear this. He made sure I knew that he didn't think I was a horrible person. He said he understood. Though, he did tell me he wished I was honest, because he said it would have been easier on us both.

That is the sum of our conversation. It as pretty amazing. We hung out the rest of the night, and it was just like old times. He told me I'm his best friend and that he's glad that we are close again, and that it's like we never stopped talking. I met this new girl he likes, and he asked my approval. It was amazing. Our friendship rekindled like we had never stopped talking. It feels good to know I have him as a friend, and a best friend at that. I hope that we remain friends, and that this night wasn't just one night of things being back to how they used to be.

On another note, here is a funny story from tonight:
When I was driving with Chas to the carnival, blasting my music with the windows down this girl pulled up next to me. I didn't think anything of it, just singing and dancing with Chas as we waited for the light to turn green. Well, next thing you know, I hear a horn honk, and the girl is waving at me. So i turn the music down. She smiled at me and yells "Nice rainbow!" referring to my gay pride air freshner. I smiled and said thanks, and she laughed. Then of course chas had to be the goof he is and yell "Yeah rainbows!" and I of course smacked him and told him to zip it. She just laughed. She was hott. So Chas goes on to tell me that he sees her at his job all the time and that she is a lesbian and he is vaguely knows her. That made my night.