Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy

Okay, so I had a tumblr. Been there, tried it. I don't like it. It spazzes out majorly. I hate that and so I'm back to my beloved blog here. I wish I could say this is going to be a happy blog, but it's going to be a combination of both. If you don't want to read it skim past it. Otherwise, the happy part will be me explaining me since I started this blog a year or two ago and haven't really been good about updating it.



So I decided to private the first half of this entry, but I am going to talk about my sissy. I will say right now. I LOVE MY SISSY MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF AND ANYONE ELSE. She IS family to me, and as such I love her just as much as my family, if not more than some of my cousins and aunts and uncles who don't seem to even care enough about anything. This isn't a rant about my family though. THIS is about my sister, not my blood sister because I don't have one of those but the girl who IS my best best friend and CHOSEN sister. I would NEVER do anything to hurt her and I would do ANYTHING for her. In the wake of everything I saw, I FREAKED. I felt like I was losing her to HIM. I felt like despite our pact that nothing was going to come between us this WAS, because I was afraid to even talk to her about it. I cried and got depressed and FREAKED because I thought I was having the most important person in my life pulled away from me. I sobbed, and freaked and almost wasn't going to talk to her. ME not talk to my SISSY. THAT is crazy. Then I realized that was letting it happen and so we talked but the subject didn't come up until later when I voiced my fears of losing her AGAIN. It's legit my BIGGEST fear and so I don't want to risk that EVER. We talked though, and I realize we CAN talk about ANYTHING, even if it's hard...even THIS. Which is good because I was worried. I may need a reminder ALOT that this isn't going to ruin us and as I have begun saying "nothing crushes us." Deep down though, I DO know that, it's just hard when I start doubting everything, but LAST NIGHT...helped ALOT. Talking to her about it all, seeing how much we mean to one another and knowing she didn't want things to get ruined and hated it all just as much as I did, helped and makes me realize that as long as we keep communication about EVERYTHING, even any of this, open then it'll be okay and nothing will change. WE have control and WE can't let it. It'll only change if we let it. We're not going to. I know I won't. I'm not going to let someone as AMAZING and BANGIN' and INCREDIBLE as my sister go away from me. I can't even bear the thought, it's why I was freaked out so much. I mean, we've known each other for so long, talked about everything and just there's never been a time when I couldn't go to her and when I wouldn't want her to come to me. She's who I am CLOSEST to, and like I said she is my chosen sister. I don't and won't let that slip away from me, ever. It's scary and heartwrenching for me to even think about. I don't WANT to think about it or consider it because I don't WANT to let that happen. I mean there's so many people in my life who are TEMPORARY or have BEEN temporary. Loving a girl or guy, comes and goes. Crushes come and go. Whose going to be there when all is said and done? HER. That's how I feel at least. No matter what happens with anyone else she's the one who WILL be there and so how can I let ANYONE or ANYTHING pull that away and stop that. She's helped me through so much and I can only hope I've done the same. I mean, she says there's never been anything she hasn't talked to me about and the same goes to her and that WON'T change on my side and she's promised on hers either. That's all I need. Honestly, as long as if everything else crashed down I still had my sister, and my family I would be FINE. That's how I view it and what I REALLY don't WANT to change. So, while I know I'll need reassurances, all of this is what I feel on it.

Now, onto the update on me. I'm Marisa or Shane (a nickname due to a character I write about a lot.) I'm 21 years old and I live in New Jersey, 10 minutes away from Seaside where the show Jersey Shore was filmed. I'm an English major and I love a lot of things. I love reading, writing, music,movies, tv, singing, dancing in the rain, late night conversation, rping, video games, and that's only scratching the surface. Some of my favorite books are the Harry Potter series, Percy Jackson series, Looking for Alaska by John Green, anything on Arthurian legend, the Kiesha'ra series, and I LOVE Shakespeare and literature in general. I love all types of music. I love broadway because I sing it, and I love anything from wrock to Green Day. I can't really say favorites but some bands I like are ALL CAPS, Ministry of Magic, Green Day, We Are The In Crowd(thanks to my sissy), Sparks the Rescue (thanks to my sissy), The Goo Goo Dolls, and just so many many more. I roleplay, forum based. I run one site with my amazing sissy that is marauder era and I LOVE IT. As for video games I have ONE favorite and THAT is Kingdom Hearts. I also love Assasin's Creed and some others, but Kingdom Hearts is a big one. Oh, I like anime and manga, BUT I'm VERY picky on what I like. My all time favorite has and will always be Fullmetal Alchemist. I just think it's a beautiful show and well written. I prefer the original anime to the manga and can't really stand Brotherhood at all after being so accustomed to the original. Yeah, I'm a nerd, and I'll admit to it and I'm proud of it. I participated and succeeded in nanowrimo and will do it all over again this year coming and am excited. I MISS nanowrimo and the insanity it was and feel like one of my best written works was made THEN. I'm proud of it. I don't know what else to say really, but that's me in a nutshell.