Mama Who Bore Me

So i did alot of thinking last night. I got home from work and had to babysit my nephew. This of course had me thinking alot. I really do want kids. At work the weekend pharmacist and I were discussing this. She asked me how I know I want kids? She said she never has wanted kids. I told her that from the time I was a little girl I always wanted kids. I told her that I used to carry my dolls around like babies and I just had always wanted kids. I love taking care of them. She told me she was never like that, and that it made sense now. She tends to group gay people into a category. She knows I'm a lesbian. There was another tech who used to work with us who was gay, and he never wanted kids. So she had this notion that most gay people didn't. So it surprised her when I told her that I wanted kids. I explained to her that alot of my gay and lesbian friends also want kids. I was like "It depends on the person."

Anyway, this whole conversation got me thinking last night. It kind of scares me. I am determined to have a kid by the time I'm thirty. I don't care if I'm raising the kid alone or with Ricky. I just don't want to not have atleast 1 child. I've dreamed of having kids my whole life and I don't want anything to stop that. I don't care what my father says about the church and having a child out of wedlock, or in vitro. It's not his decision. It's mine. He'll never agree with half of the things in my life. Such as, if i want to marry or in this state get a civil union, he claims he wouldn't be there. Now, that hurts me. I'm a daddy's girl and the fact that I always dreamed of him being at my wedding and he tells me flat out he won't be because it's to a woman, well that upsets me more than I'll ever let him know. Anyway, back on the subject. I really do want kids, and I'm not letting anything stop me. Holding my nephew yesterday and playing with him, really made me feel that need intensified.

On another note, I really think I need to see Spring Awakening again. I've been singing the songs at my voice lessons and even my voice teacher wants to go see it when i go. The thing is I need to save money for when I see it. We may be doing student rush seats and on stage seats which are 26 and 40 dollars, but still being in NY all day, you need to have some money on you. I also need to figure out how many people are going to go, and how everyone is getting there. I don't drive but if we get two people who will drive into NY, it would be cheaper than taking a train or bus and quicker. I also am in charge of planning a trip to see RENT, since it closes in September and almost all my friends want to see if before it closes. I get put in charge of so much, I don't know why because i'm sure a few of my friends could organize things just as well.